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Lets suppose for a moment that the inner world drives the outer. If this is true, then what benefit might there be to understand the inner world, emotions, thoughts, and subconscious patterns? I often seek to understand the hidden aspects of myself since awareness of these elements of self is not something that always obvious. Now, I can't explain how others interpret their own inner-workings. Its not my place to judge, but it makes me wonder, Is everyone's processing of it similar, is there a pattern? I might guess that it would be easy to completely ignore one's inner world, instead focusing on the 'real world' and it's immediate pressures, money, commitments to family, bills, obligations, job, car payments. If I imagine these real world matters through the lens of the inner-world, I can see that there will be patterns underpinning my approach to them, my feelings and response or reaction to them as they appear in my life. So what are the patterns, what direction does the current flow beneath the surface? It's not an easy question to answer. How might i simplify my answer to these questions, what drives me, what limits me, and what excites me? Lets imagine for a moment that each of these themes carries a current in a certain direction. Drive, sounds a bit like motivation, an upward energy, one that overcomes resistance. One is driven when he/she has purpose, so where do I source my sense of purpose, what gets me excited to face the world? I've often been most driven when held accountable to others. Not in a hyper-serious way, more like I will give my word with intent to keep it, to follow through. It comes from a place of accountability to myself. So why, when accountable to another does the response seem even more powerful? Maybe it's the other's energy that is reflected back throughout the process of following through, the fact that the interaction feels less like an echo chamber, that there is another living being involved and engaging with the experience. Does this make it more meaningful, is it a requirement? Limitation, sounds a bit like the counterpoint to drive in some ways, If drive can overcomes obstacles, then limitations have the force to make an obstacles insurmountable. Now, I believe that the acknowledgment of limitations is important - very important - as a first step towards growth, first I would have to discover what the limitation is. It's hard to solve a problem when you don't even know what the problem is... From this perspective, If i were to ask again, what limits me, I might have to conclude that it's the unknown, or a lack of inner-clarity., perhaps I should go deeper, unpacking the source of the patterns that are causing uncertainty, thus causing daily events to produce limitations. Excitement, sounds like it has the ability to surpass obstacles, transmuting the perceived inability to overcome into the drive that can. How can i describe this? Mid-winter I found myself in a bit of a melancholy state, It seemed like there was no point in carrying on. Maybe it was a lack of sunlight or a vitamin deficiency but that was beside the point, I was experiencing a lack of excitement in my life, and it was showing up in the form of a lack of drive. Limitations were more pronounced and I Noticed I was imagining the worst outcome instead of holding onto the best-possible ones. I carried on in this pattern for a few weeks, not sure how to break the cycle, not sure where i could find a sense of excitement to give me the drive to break free. I did acknowledge that life's ups and downs are to be expected so I wasn't too upset about it. I spent those days flowing with it. It was a time to relax, to watch youtube, to sleep in, to go for walks outside, but not for the work that truly gives me a sense of purpose, so I didn't push too hard to break the pattern, I simply allowed it be. One day, almost at random, I stumbled across an opportunity that got me excited. and I jumped on it. I was excited once more and just like that I broke the pattern of limitation. It still feels strange to me looking back - just how quickly the shift from lazy-complacency to driven-motivation can happen. All it took was something to get excited about to give me the drive, and the limitation melted away. are you starting to see how these ideas are connected? I am beginning to see a pattern, interconnected, each supporting the other in it's own right. I should make one more observation about limitation before breaking it down - it doesn't need to have a negative connotation. I've mentioned before that it's in doing the hard thing where the growth happens, so from this perspective limitations are like the catalyst for growth. not to be viewed as something to be avoided, but embraced. Now, how are these ideas connected? How do they define my existence? Drive is the sense of purpose that moves one forward, motivations, core values, and desires. Limitations as catalysts for growth like the challenges life places before us that we might overcome and learn the lesson from the experience. Resistance comes to mind, whether its environmental, relationships, circumstances, fears, doubts, imbalanced emotions, or patterns of avoidance. but these are subjects for another article. Point is, that limitations, like a boulder in the center of the road, stand in the way of forward progress, and without the drive to overcome them, one might be stuck at the obstacle instead of chipping away at it in order to break through to the other side and continue forward toward the destination. Imagine the idea of Inspiration, what does it feel like to be inspired? Like the interests that make you feel alive. Those moments where you feel fully immersed in your activities, a deep flow-state. As the things that energize and motivate act as pattern breaks - they turn limitations into opportunities, where 'stuckness' becomes drive and limitations melt away effortlessly. So I mentioned before that I experienced cycles of excitement + drive and stagnancy and complacency, that I simply acknowledge it and enjoy life to the best of my ability - through both the ups and the downs, but what if, with the understanding of these internal patterns, I could find a way to... I almost imagine flipping a switch, a pattern break to bring myself from stagnancy to excitement and become balanced once more. That's partly what this exercise of writing is about. I argue with my thoughts in writing and come away with a deeper understanding. Some people are deeply in-touch with their internal-patterns, for me it takes work to truly understand. The inner world is not one that's easy to understand, at least, not at a level that is meaningful, so I do my best to maintain the balance any way I can. So what does this mean to me? I am acknowledging that I experience two distinct patterns during a cycle of ups-and-downs in life, that it manifests in periods of intense drive and excitement where limitations are surpassed, and other times where the excitement is gone and limitations seem daunting. What if i could train myself to observe the cause of the shift consciously, would the pattern would be easier to break? Would I spend more time in excitement, motivatiod, driven, and less time in complacency and stagnation, depression? It's the idea of "life happens to me" vs "life happens through me." TL:DR
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